wow. really all i can say is wow. the last 2 weeks have been absolutely insane. im going to try as hard as possible to be general in my storytelling as i mean no harm to any involved parties. if there is something of offense, please be sure to let me know and we can discuss whether or not i care enough to change it 🙂
so. my gut has never lied. ever in my life. the lesson that ive had to learn is to listen to what my intuition is telling me. when i was in the backseat of the limo that was taking me to the ceremony of my first marriage, i was sick to my stomach. i knew, well, my gut was telling me, that i should not be doing this. i chose to ignore it. my mind convinced me it knew what was right, and, well, if you know me, you know how ugly it got…. a lesson that was hardlearned. when my stomach started flipping butterflies about a month ago, i tapped into it and tried to sort things out. unfortunately, when communication is nonexistent in a relationship, it tends to go sour. i can publicly admit that i got my heart shattered. it kind of felt like it was torn off of my sleeve and stomped all over. that sucked. moving on.
after my commitment to following what the universe is trying to tell me, i landed at my sisters house. being here has put me in touch with the women that i grew up with. j2 i met first, in elementary school, and weve been friends, despite whatever distance has been between us, for over 15 years. i feel old. j with an i and i met, to my recollection, in mrs andrews sociology class sophomore year? and kelso asked if she could have some of the pop tart that i was eating at my locker sometime during freshman year. and the four of us banded together and took on the world as fearsomely as we could macguyver out. here we are, over a decade later, and the two js and i are bitter and pissed off about the assholes weve so recently kicked to the curb and the other k is able to fulfill her usual, motherly role more sincerely than ever. i mean that with most love btw k, ok?? lol
ive never felt like the universe is smiling upon me more. now that im free of some heavy weights in my life, im reaching out to people. im finding out that there are a lot of people going through uncomfortable yet impactive relationship changes right now. i find it somewhat refreshing. i find the strength that is found between the four of us girls is amazing. individually, well, we all have our own paths that we are merrily, uniquely and amazingly trotting down, but when we are all together, it is simply unparalleled. i try to ride the tide of life without question, without hesitation, and certainly without regret. sometimes it brings me unbelievable amounts of pain, sometimes, the stars are right and i feel as though ive been shown a part of this existence that few will comprehend. ive moved beyond the anger and rage ive been acknowledging in myself and have entered a state of, well, serenity. instead of letting my heart rot and die from him, boooooo, im embracing myself and moving into the station ive meant to be in for some time now. i can feel the same energy from my ladies, the two js not my glorious tatas, and i have grins for days thinking about the gloriousness that is going around.
its cold up here but im filled with love